8:50 a.m. I've had to rethink the whole bread thing, for the moment. I mean, the reason I got into so much trouble in the first place is precisely because of the letter I sent on which that stupid image of the bread was rubber-stamped. I will have to clear it with the swarthy people who work the gypsy-curse counter at the mall before I can go forward with the story.

You see, today is just too weird a day. Is it turning out funny for anybody else out there? I don't mean funny ha-ha funny, but funny, as in "That's funny ... how did all these ... get in here?"

Maybe I should just make a list, to prove my point.

1. There was a dress-form in the neighbor's garbage and I've always wanted a dress-form. Too expensive, you say? I say: not any more.

2, Is that why everything's askew? Because I dragged the thing inside?

3. Here's a picture of it. The camera is still working.

4. A whole lot of computer stuff is going gonzo. Domains are getting up and running across the street. Hiding, so to speak. Email lists are dissolving into the aether * from whence they've come.

5. Didn't sleep well. Went to bed late, woke up to caw-caw, Mr. Crow is on the line.

6. Read some journals, and of course, the gears are in sync and here's the link to prove it: *

7. The phone is going crazy, as only the phone can. If I had RealAudio all set up, I swear I'd record what's going on right this moment. The answer machine is picking up an automatic menu thing from some unknown company. All morning long there's the ring, the pickup, and them the recorded message followed by -- hideous insipid music that has no end, no beginning and will not shut off! Plus, you know a computer never gives up, so you can pick up the receiver, terminate the connection, and it just calls you right back anyway. The music! The music is driving me crazy!

8. What else?

9. Oh yes. I think I might have once rented a room to the future president of India. I'm researching it right now on the web, as best I can, what with the phones and the weirdness and all. Her picture is in the paper. It looks like our old friend Sushma. She wasn't supposed to cook in her room, but she did it anyway. And you think Bush is having trouble answering questions about a shady past? Ha!

10. What else? Oh, just the general feeling of malaise and jumpiness when something you depend on -- the stuff on the other side of your screen -- gets all uppity and wanders off and does what it wants. How will we ever cope with Y2K if it really happens the way the people in the bunkers predict?

11. Have you made your list yet? I haven't. I was going to, but I decided, after reading some of the "literature" that I'd rather be out there with the scofflaws and the vandals, take my chances with the lazy oafs who've not put up a stock of nutty grains and enough kerosene and ammo and iodine to simulate World War III. Have you seen the crazed faces of the people behind the stockade? They've got perimeter guards, barbed wire, and pit bulls, for God's sake, and they are itching to get started.

12. I have, however, been collecting used milk jugs since New Years. Just in case. You never know. If there's any catch in Dick Clark's voice and/or if that brand-new millennium apple doesn't fall exactly the way it's supposed to, I'm going to turn on the spigots and fill 'em up.

14. You think I'm going to type in that number -- today? No way.

15. But then, that's just paranoia, and that's almost as bad.

16. I've begun to examine my conscious. Always a good thing. Rack my brain. Have I offended someone? You see, that's the point of the whole bread-stamp on the letter story. Sometimes people don't get the joke. I have a funny story about that, actually. I think I'll make it my entry for tomorrow, if I can find the incriminating document.

17. If there -- is -- a tomorrow.

* Excellent chance to mention Colombine, who has invented the term Aether Friends in one of the more beautiful, literate journals out there ... in the aether.

* Excellent chance to mention the credulous jellyfish, another favorite, totally wonderful. Full of bugs, crows, wings and ... panties of the month.