Sunday, December 17, 2000

 

1:36 a.m. Continuing my trip down the snowy lane of Christmas past, we find these two young ladies (my sisters) modeling their brand new matching sweaters. There are plenty more presents, under the tree, all opened and re-arranged.

In my growing-up years we used to open our gifts and then once the excitement was all over, we'd carefully fold them and put them back into their boxes, but opened. Like a display, you know? With the top lid under the bottom and the tissue paper spread neatly? Even the toys were arranged carefully, except for the one we were playing with.

Every year, including the year after I got married, which is the year this picture was taken, I got a nice new coloring book and a new set of crayons. Tradition. The tinsel hung neatly on the branches, as you can see in the photo. Also tradition.

This was the first Christmas of my life I wasn't there in the morning, didn't go to bed upstairs the night before, and I didn't even help with the tree. I wasn't part of the competition to count the names to see who had the most before we opened the presents. I wasn't even there when they opened the presents.

I was only 19 years old and I'd been married for a little over two months. I might even have been a few days pregnant when I took this photo, give or take.

I felt as if I'd maybe been a touch too hasty. I was surprised to see that the family had managed to go on without me. In fact, they looked downright not sad. Plus, I'm sure they hated the sweaters because this was, after all, the sixties. They really didn't play much tennis, as far as I remember.

And believe me, I don't remember very far. If it weren't for this photo, I might have forgotten that Christmas and the way I felt when I looked into the viewfinder. The camera points both ways when it flashes, of course, and so this tiny portion of memory has been framed, along with the scene.

My family probably never knew how much I missed them and how much I missed being grown up and married and away from them that first year. Actually, come to think of it, that feelings hasn't really gone away. I must have been using a very wide-angle lens that day, 34 years ago.

I even miss the coloring book and crayons, if you want to know the truth.