(Perforated Lines--you can't resist 'em)

(professional cookie)

(left arrow) Tuesday, January 23, 2001 (right arrow)

 

2:30 p.m. I realized the other night -- and *just* the other night -- that I'm never going to be "finished" and I'm never going to not be in some sort of trouble, somewhere -- with someone. I promise a lot and I fail at a lot of those promises.

8:07 p.m. I have felt somewhat moody today, alternating between thoughtful and deeply, heavily sad. Meanwhile, I've been reading an article about Ecstasy, the drug, and up until today I thought I could say that I almost always feel full of ecstasy. Bouncing off the walls with joy, I usually am ...

... at least while the sun is out. All things are possible, and there's all the time in the world. Then, as the day funnels into the bottleneck of 4 p.m., a sort of fatigued panic sets in, it's true ...

But today, just a heavy heart that I'm sure could use a couple of Pamprin. But, I'm too ... you know ... to bother.

1:27 a.m. No matter what, I still end up here, late at night, cleaning up and buttoning up the day.

Did I mention that I didn't finish everything on my to-do list? Of course, there's the last ivy leaf to worry about, so it's just as well. It's an old story I once saw on TV, or perhaps I read it in a magazine somewhere ...

... there's this old, old man, see. He's dying, lying in his hospital bed, dying. Lying. Staring out the window at the -- obvious -- brick wall, but this particular wall has an old ivy vine growing on it. It's winter, it's gnarled, there's only a single leaf left.

The old man, lying and dying, fixates on the leaf and hangs on as long as the leaf is hanging on and lo and behold he makes it to spring and his relatives come and gather him up and he goes home to live a longer, if nonetheless gnarled, life of his own.

We dolly over to the window, move in for a closer look at the stubborn old leaf after he's gone. It's painted on, of course.

So, it's probably best that there's still some items on the to-do list, or that would be the end of me, right then and there. Gotta hang on, you know.

 

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

(spinning balls)

search? hello? notify? map? old? index?

Shadow Lawn Press Cheaper and Better iBachelor

yesterday Januarytomorrow?

(left dancer) all verbiage © Nancy Hayfield Birnes (right dancer)