:: Friday, March 23, 2001 ::

 

11:45 p.m. Not too much to report on today. I'm ashamed to admit that I've already started to watch and to wait, patiently, for my books to arrive. I love Amazon as much as you can love an abstract entity and I believe they are capable of miracles.

They've been known to deliver stuff overnight. So has Mac Warehouse and Mac Mall and Mac Zone. In fact, I believe that every single thing I've ever ordered over the Internet has come in record time, always packed perfectly and never broken or otherwise mangled.

So, although I actually do have better things to do than wait, I find myself waiting in spite of myself. Waiting is one of the great skills, and I've had a lot of practice.

When my first husband was in Vietnam, for instance, I published a series of articles that were called "The Waiting Wife." It brought me some minor fame and glory, including a photo spread in Cosmo. One of the articles was even broadcast to the troops in the field.

Counting down the days. I used to count the days until Christmas or summer vacation or the prom. We've moved a number of times and I've counted the days until we'd be in our new house or apartment. No matter how life-changing the new situation is going to be, you still have to walk up to it one slow day at a time.

In the past I've crossed the finished days off on the calendar or I've written the groups of hash marks: |||| and stacked them up and crossed them out. Filled entire pages as proof of waiting, and than the thing came and the waiting was forgotten, immediately.

Waiting always makes me feel a little ambivalent. It seems wrong to hurry through time, not even pausing to say goodby to it as you push it out the door. Next! Another hour completed, another day under my belt.

And then there's dieting. It's perhaps the only way to feel righteous about the passing of the hours and the days and if you stick to your diet and thus lose an ounce or more every once in a while, you will actually have a reward for merely existing. You gain something just for getting through the day.

I don't happen to be on a diet today, but I will be on one soon enough. I have to get into the right frame of mind first. I don't plan on moving, if I can help it. There is no prom in my immediate future.

Maybe the books will come tomorrow.