Wednesday, August 30, 2000

Birthday Bliss!

and

33 Rules for Life.

1. Every time a cake is placed before you, you should dive right in.
2. When you don't listen to your mother, you listen to the devil.
3. Learn how to make blueberry jam.
4. Many problems are solved with alphabetization.
5. Some problems have no solution.
6. First-born children actually do rule the world.
7. No two grapes taste alike.
8. Compliment yourself for something every single day.
9. Scott toilet paper is the best.
10. Making a list is much harder than you think.
11. People who give advice all the time get on other people's nerves.
12. Never doubt your mother's love.
13. Starting things is easy.
14. Starting things at 2:16 a.m. is stupid.
15. Vegetables taste better when you get older.
16. It's not lost. It's on eBay.
17. Good men know how to cook eggs.
18. Use baby powder when you're sticky.
19. Now's a good time to have some corn.
20. Do not buy white carpets or rugs.
21. The Japanese are very limber and have excellent taste in clothes.
22. Short stories make better movies than novels.
23. You can't go wrong with rice.
24. Aqua Net. Don't mock it.
25. Colds and the flu are poor people's vacations.
26. Store all your pens point-side down.
27. Margarine is just wrong.
28. And people should stop carrying water bottles around. They are full of rancid germs and yuck; they smell bad, and there's all that saliva around the lid.
29. A two-hour nap will fix just about anything.
30. We were all cuter ten years ago.
31. But we're all smarter now.
32. Especially my daughter.
33. She rules.